Tuesday, December 14, 2010

We call that stress, dear.

You can go ahead and laugh at all of this. Trust me. I did. I still am, actually.

Marshmallow anyone?

Oh my gawd y'all. Today is the day I bust out the "y'all" and keep it around for a while because, whoa, it's only barely 2:00 pm...and I spent the last hour in my bed afraid to come out. No lie.

I have a to-do list the length of two cheap rolls of septic-friendly toilet paper. Let's just say I'm not 'getting things done' like I'd like. We leave to go see the in-laws soon, and to celebrate my sister in law's graduation...which means I have to get those presents done and wrapped. Except that 1) I'm afraid to wrap anything because TSA might ask my husband to literally unwrap his package and 2) every recipe I wanted to make or bake needed to be done less than an week in advance.

Let's just call a spade a spade and say that my planning ahead hat must have flown off somewhere on the side of the road on the homemade holiday highway. While you are lending me your spade could you dig a little hole so we can bury some of my failures from today? Thanks.

So, today I attempted the baking and candy making portion...but not until I threw another load of laundry in...and then realized that I had washed the last load, a very full one, with practically no water. Ok. Run the laundry again, this time with the proper water level, and get back to the candy making.

Now I have heard, much more than a few times, that making homemade marshmallows is not only easy, but fun. People are liars. Don't even try it with me you pretty, perfect, bakey-bakey people. Y'all are liars.

I tried. And failed. Four times. In a row. It is at this point you mention the definition of insanity and I gesture toward the straight jacket hanging in the closet (ok, not really, it's just a robe, promise). The candy part burnt, it undercooked, it stuck to my sweater which then picked up a wad of dog fur and, I kid you not, A SCREW. At which point I should have probably taken the obvious and deeply scary symbolic nature of that message and run for the hills, but no, I kept trying. My eggs wouldn't whip into anything remotely resembling "peaks" (maybe because I'm in the midwest and things are flat here, we don't do "peaks). And now, four fatalistic attempts later I'm pretty positive that all of my favorite bowls and pots are glued together with a homemade epoxy to rival superglue.

Feeling guilty for sitting my kid in front of the TV while I burnt the crap out of my index finger and made fail-mallows I decided to give her extra long cuddles before nap. Then she was so sweet and so cute I thought, "Ohhh, sweet baby, why not take a nap with you?" So I brought her into my bed, curled up and snuggled in. She sighed and smiled and dug in too.

And then she stabbed me in the eye and laughed at me. And still I gave her another chance and tried for another 15 minutes. It was somewhere between nearly being asphyxiated by "monkey" and having her "toot" in my face that I gave up. Into the crib she went.

Back to my bed I went. Pondering my failings for the day (which include breaking a glass, burning the motor out of my blender, putting my shirt on backwards, accidentally stepping on the dog's tail...oh, and mentioning a heinous crime when trying to calm my sister in law's nerves before she went into a job interview) I decided if I stayed there all would be ok. Little one had finally fallen asleep, I was steeling myself to maybe actually accomplish something, we were on the right path. Until I got out of bed and the suitcase that was on it fell off and woke the kid, scared the dog, and undid all the packing I had just done.

Oh and I realized, while packing that everything I had picked out for the little one...didn't fit.

Y'all. Y'ALL. Seriously now y'all. Seriously.

I find this endlessly amusing. I do. What else can you do. It's the holiday's, it's stress, it's life.

Why am I telling you all this. Well, because it's funny, for one...and because we all do it. We all do this crazy fiasco kind of day once in a while. So be it. Gotta just pick up and move on, right.

Hitting bottom, the only way to go. It's on the up and up from here on out! Wahooo!


Sandie {A Bloggable Life} said...

Whoa! You need some ho-ho-holiday glass clinking, stat! I've never attempted homemade marshmallows---at least you tried! I always figure why bother when a bag of Jet-Puffed or mini's are so easily accessible. You get my vote for daring baker of the day. And great post---I KNOW we've all had one of these days. Hang in there! :)

melissa said...

ah... days like that, I throw the towel in, make a big mug of tea and sit still somewhere without touching anything. start over again the next day!

what does anne of green gables say? "tomorrow is a brand new day with no mistakes in it yet". exactly!

Tricia said...

Gasp! I love Anne of Green Gables - that was one of my first cookbooks...something Anne of Green Gables. I loved that she liked raspberries. I probably also secretly loved that she was a lush LOL

Melissa said...

I don't think it was Anne who was the lush... didn't she get Diana Barry drunk? On raspberry cordial? One of my favourite books growing up - the whole series. I still reread from time to time when I feel blue. Or watch my Kevin Sullivan Anne miniseries!

Shenee said...

I know this is a huge fail day for you but I loved this entry! You should get into memoir work : )

LeAnna said...

This entry is hilarious!!!!! I totally had a fail day - last week and REFUSED to let it go! I kept trying and trying and eventually i found myself in a verbal altercation with a barista at BRICKS AND SCONES over simple math and decided that was my rock bottom. siiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Thanks for a reminder that sometimes ya just need to break out the "Y'all" and get back into bed.

Tricia said...

Melissa - Yes but only a true lush can get their bestie drunk and act like they had NO IDEA what that stuff would do ;)

LeA - For serious, y'all. I've had that altercation too. In a Whole Foods. I walked out with 99 cents in change...so I think I failed there too.

Anonymous said...

Awww... I've so had that moment in my life! Good to know I'm not the only one...

Anonymous said...

Awesomeness! This, Martha Stewart, is why I refuse to make homemade marshmallows! :-) Lisa

graybird22 said...

Funny, my SIL was just talking about making homemade marshmallows. I'll have to either warn her or ask her how it went. ;)

Wendy said...

Oh, I needed to read this today! I'm in a horrible funk, and I haven't bought a single Christmas present yet. I think I'm going to head upstairs and attempt to make marshmallows. ;)

Anonymous said...

Awww... Did you make sure you didn't get any yolk in with your whites? If you get even a TINY bit in the whites, you can't whip them up properly. It has to do with the proteins in them.

kelly said...

Today is a Y'ALL! Day if ever there was one. This week has been a Y'ALL week. I wish I could write about it in a funny way. Instead, I'll vent my frustrations with a OH C'MON !!! ala Gob Bluth as I pick shards of glass from my bare feet. (Because the glasses never break when you're wearing slippers...)