Monday, October 11, 2010

Let me introduce you to Mable...

While perusing our music collection this Sunday morning I somehow took the path of listening to and finding the most obscure and awful music we own - all to see which the kid liked. I realize this borders on sadistic, especially when unveiling a particularly angst-ridden 80's collection my husband had somehow amassed, but it was all in the name of research...

Two particularly useful things came out of this "research":
  1. I am happy to report we do not own any Meatloaf albums or songs
  2. Thinking about Meatloaf made me think of the crockpot meatloaf, which made me think of the one and only Mable Hoffman.
Who?

Hark! You don't know Mable?

Mable, of 1970's Crockery Cookery fame wrote the slow-cooker bible of cookbooks. She also has brought me endless amusement over the years.

Endless.

If you want to be sure to make me laugh bust out a copy of Crockery Cookery.

I'm not sure where I even got my copy but I'm guessing it was my mom's or my grandmom's. Bless them for this gift. The image of Mable of the back alone is enough to make me crack a smile. Mable, decked out in her finest polyester patterned mock turtleneck dress stands amid avocado and rustic orange crockpots, not to be outdone by the mismatched plastic measuring cups or semi-artificial looking food. Mable may have been a food stylist, per her author bio, but fashion stylist she was not.


Oh Mable. 

Mable also wrote Deep Fry Cookery, Chocolate Cookery, and Crepe Cookery, among others. Don't be fooled by Healthy Crockery Cookery, I'm pretty positive Mable's goal was to make us all rotund and resurrect the 14th century word "cookery".

Which, I will now use. Often.

"Honey? What are you doing?"

"Dinner cookery."

Yes, Mable, yes!

It's no coincidence that Mable's Crockery Cookery surpassed The Joy of Sex as a best seller in 1975...it's obvious she's pretty kinky. If you don't think so I dare you to take the little quiz below.

Further proof of this assertion from Crepe Cookery (and let me tell you, this isn't the only 'interesting' title in the book):


Mable's frisky side became abundantly obvious to me in her "Spice Chart" at the back of Crockery Cookery though. It's clear that she was not just talking about spices here – rather, this is complex tool by which to a ascertain your proper cookery code name and personality. I'll allow you to determine what "code name" means to you (read: cookery porn name? Was Mable the founder of the "food porn" movement?)

I know why you are here. You've come to find out what Mabel says about you. Without further ado I give you:

Mable Hoffman's Kinky Cookery 
Personality Guide and Compatibility Test
"Beware of Imitations. This is the one and only...that women everywhere are talking about"

Please select two of your favorite spices from the list below:
AllspiceChili PowderMarjoramPoppy Seeds
AniseCinnamonMintRosemary
BasilCloverMustardSaffron
Bay CuminNutmegSavory
CarawayCurry OreganoSesame
CardamomDillPaprikaTarragon
CayenneGingerParsleyThyme
Celery SeedMacePepperTumeric

Now determine what your fortune will be:

Each spice listed will give you a detailed description, peering deep into your psyche. Find out your best colors, your own secret personality 'flavor', and what food choices a wise mate will make to win your heart.

To find out your Cookery Code Name pair your two spices and find the hidden meaning behind your choices by reading the "Secret Personality" section. For instance, if your choices are Paprika and Mace, making your secret cookery code name: Paprika Mace, your secret cookery style is mild yet exotic and sweet. Oh la la!

Let Mable be your guide and find your secrets below:

Allspice
Best Color: Brown
Secret Personality: Spicy, sweet, mild and pleasant
Best Wooed With: Mincemeat pie

Anise
Best Color: brown with tan stripes
Secret Personality: sweet licorice aroma and taste
Best Wooed With: Stewed fruits

Basil
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Mild and sweet
Best Wooed With: Pot roast 

Bay
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Sweet yet mild
Best Wooed With: Vegetables

Caraway
Best Color: Deep brown hues, especially with lighter brown striped patterns
Secret Personality: You are like rye bread, discern what you may
Best Wooed With: Cheese spread 

Cardamom
Best Color: Cream and dark brown
Secret Personality: Bittersweet
Best Wooed With: Custard 

Cayenne
Best Color: Burnt umber, dark orange
Secret Personality: Hot and spicy
Best Wooed With: Cheese souffles

Celery Seed
Best Color: Brown, green and brownish greens
Secret Personality: Bitter
Best Wooed With: Fish chowder 

Chili Powder
Best Color: Red - all shades
Secret Personality: Distinctive and hot
Best Wooed With: Spanish rice 

Cinnamon
Best Color: Lighter shades of brown
Secret Personality: Spicy yet sweet
Best Wooed With: Fruit pie 

Cloves
Best Color: Dark shades of brown
Secret Personality: Spicy, sweet, yet acrid
Best Wooed With: Cream of pea soup 

Cumin
Best Color: Gold
Secret Personality: Witty/sharp, yet sweet
Best Wooed With: Deviled eggs 

Curry
Best Color: Gold
Secret Personality: Exotic, hot
Best Wooed With: Salted nuts 

Dill
Best Color: Green, brown
Secret Personality: Mild and sweet like subtle rye bread
Best Wooed With: Mayonnaise based picnic salads (see: coleslaw) 

Ginger
Best Color: Khaki
Secret Personality: Spicy
Best Wooed With: French dressing 

Mace
Best Color: Dark or burnt orange
Secret Personality: Exotic, sweet
Best Wooed With: Welsh rarebit 

Marjoram
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Sweet, tender
Best Wooed With: Lamb 

Mint
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Sweet, adaptable
Best Wooed With: Veal 

Mustard
Best Color: Shades of brown
Secret Personality: Sharp and spicy
Best Wooed With: Cheese sauces 

Nutmeg
Best Color: Copper or reddish brown
Secret Personality: Sweet and exotic
Best Wooed With: Doughnuts 

Oregano
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Strong (like bull?)
Best Wooed With: Spaghetti 

Paprika
Best Color: Red
Secret Personality: Oh so mild
Best Wooed With: Goulash 

Parsley
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Mild
Best Wooed With: Meat Stews 

Pepper
Best Color: Black, White, Pink, Grey
Secret Personality: Spicy and enduring
Best Wooed With: All savory foods 

Poppy Seeds
Best Color: Blue-Gray
Secret Personality: Crunchy, nutty
Best Wooed With: Green peas 

Rosemary
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Delicate and only sort of sweet
Best Wooed With: Potatoes 

Saffron
Best Color: Red and orange
Secret Personality: Exotic
Best Wooed With: Chicken soup 

Savory
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Pleasant
Best Wooed With: Tossed salads 

Sesame Seeds
Best Color: Ivory
Secret Personality: Crunchy
Best Wooed With: Asparagus 

Tarragon
Best Color: Green
Secret Personality: Fresh
Best Wooed With: Meat marinades 


Thyme
Best Color: Olive green
Secret Personality: Pleasantly penetrating
Best Wooed With: Fish chowder 

Turmeric
Best Color: Orange
Secret Personality: Slightly bitter
Best Wooed With: Pickles 

What's your Cookery Code Name? Tell us below! 

Note: Obviously this is all in good fun. Mable was a rad home economist and her meatloaf is pretty great. Respect the Mable. Buy the Mable here.  Plagiarism is obnoxious - the spice chart has been modified to fit the needs of this quiz but does reflect the Mable - to further illuminate your Mable defined personality get your own copy of Crockery Cookery.

7 comments:

Krystal said...

Oh my gosh...Meatloaf...I'm sorry to say I used to love one of his songs when I was little! that just brought me back, haha =)
and i am definitely woo'd with goulash. Yum :)

LeAnna said...

My name is Basil Ginger. Sadly, I am wooed by French Dressing. . .

Kate L said...

As a curry fan, I'm officially smitten by 'salty nuts'. Am I EVER.

Sandie said...

Crack me up! I LOVE the back-cover shot of Mabel. I think it's the glasses.

Since we're sharing, I'm Basil Nutmeg. It says I like green & copper or reddish-brown (which is eerily true) and that I am wooed by pot roast & doughnuts (also eerily true). For the record, it also states I am mild & sweet as well as sweet & exotic. Since it mentions sweet twice, I'm running with that!

Julie said...

This is hilarious. Truly!! I wonder what people will think of us a few years down the road!!

I'm Cumin Curry... Witty/sharp, yet sweet...exotic and HAWT!!


Well...at least I'm well rounded!

deanna said...

HA!

I'm Cinnamon Basil. Nice to meet you. I love pot roast and fruit pie (do I ever!). My best colors are green and lighter shades of brown.

I am mild and sweet, yet spicy.

Wendy said...

Heheh! Thanks for the laugh! I'm Rosemary Cardamom... delicate and bittersweet. Green and brown are my colours, and I'm a sucker for potatoes and custard. Yep. But not in the same dish, please!